| In the past codependency was associated with | | | | behavior phase that most kids go through when they |
| person who enabled an alcoholic or drug addict. | | | | want your approval may continue into adulthood. |
| These days codependency has become associated | | | | What can you do? Get your own needs met with |
| with emotional dependencies in a relationship. All | | | | positive relationships and ways to replenish yourself. |
| relationships involve a dependency on another person | | | | Instead of constant praise ask your child how they |
| to some extent. However, when an individual | | | | thought they did. Encourage them to self-praise. |
| compromises their own values and wants to avoid | | | | 3. Wanting to solve problems for them |
| rejection and anger they are exhibiting codependent | | | | When they come home and talk about a mean peer |
| behaviors. | | | | or a problem at school what do you do? Do you |
| The reason why this is so important for parents to | | | | react and rescue, slipping into your parent |
| understand is that its origins start in childhood. So if | | | | problem-solver mode and coming up with a plan of |
| you are doing the following three things you may be | | | | action? Essentially you are taking control of their |
| planting the seeds of codependency. | | | | ability to solve the problems they are encountering. |
| 1. Being inflexible ( or the type A- "Superparent") | | | | This sends your child the message that they are not |
| If you are the type of person who has a rigid plan of | | | | competent or responsible enough to figure out how |
| how and when things are done you do not allow | | | | to solve their problems and that someone else needs |
| your child an opportunity to voice their choice. If you | | | | to do it for them. Imagine what this will look like as |
| are so in control of their schedule, their food choices, | | | | they become adults? Will they find relationships in |
| their clothing choices, or their playmates you are | | | | which another person will tell them what to do? |
| restricting your child from having the opportunity to | | | | What can you do? Safety first, everything else is |
| explore their choices. You send out a message loud | | | | negotiable! If it is not a physical or psychological |
| and clear to your child that they are not responsible | | | | safety issue allow your child the opportunity to figure |
| for their choices or decisions and someone else has | | | | out how to solve the problem. If you LISTEN, |
| all the power. As they grow older they are likely to | | | | without offering advice, your child will likely figure out |
| seek out relationships in which someone else has all | | | | some things they can do differently. |
| the power and control. | | | | The reason why so many children have success in |
| What can you do? Allow your child some freedom of | | | | our programs is that we offer a safe place for them |
| choice. If it is not a safety issue then it is negotiable. | | | | to explore their thoughts, feelings, and choices. When |
| Let go of the need to be in control so you child has | | | | given an opportunity, children will come up with ways |
| the freedom to grow and learn, even from their | | | | to solve their problems. As adults we can offer |
| mistakes! | | | | support and encouragement as they explore their |
| 2. Having your child meet your needs | | | | choices. |
| I know many parents who fall into this trap but do | | | | One last important thing. If you find that you are |
| not see that they are doing this. If you are not | | | | doing one or more of the behaviors above, |
| fulfilling yourself in other areas of your life, like your | | | | congratulations! That's right, Congratulations! Why? |
| relationships, your work, or your passions, you may | | | | Because it means that you are aware of what you |
| default to living vicariously thorough your child. When | | | | are doing, and awareness is the first step in making |
| you spend more energy on your child's interests and | | | | changes. So the next time you notice you are |
| less on what gives your life meaning and pleasure | | | | defaulting to one of the behaviors above, STOP, and |
| you model codependent self-sacrificing behaviors. You | | | | explore what other things you can do. If you'd like |
| also unconsciously teach your child that their value | | | | more support we would be happy to help you. |
| comes from pleasing you. The cute "look mom" | | | | |