Grief and Remembrance - Honor Your Loved One With a Concert Or Commissioned Song

After my daughter died in February of 2007 mywould seek a sad emotion in music is not totally
husband and I looked for ways to remember her.resolved," concludes Koen.
We did the usual things -- had a memorial service,Who would compose the song in memory of our
told stories, and gave money to the church. But wedaughter? The Co-Director of Music contacted
wanted to do more. How could we keep ourElizabeth Alexander, a well-known Minnesota
daughter's spirit alive?composer, and she emailed us several poems to
The choir was designated as the recipient of ourconsider for the lyrics. All of the poems were
church donation. I had been a choir member for moredepressing. Alexander sent us several other poems,
than 20 years and thought the money would be usedamong them, "A Litany of Remembrance" by Roland
for sheet music. The Co-Director of Music had aB. Gittelsohn. The lyrics were perfect. Months passed,
better idea -- a commissioned song in her memory. Iand we continued to do our grief work. Meantime,
loved this idea. Music has always been part of my lifeAlexander was doing her work, and finished the song
and I thought a choral piece would comfort and upliftsooner than expected.
others.Last night I heard it for the first time. The title, "We
I have belonged to several church choirs and oneRemember Them," is the poem's refrain. Though the
community choir. Singing taught me about the powersight reading wasn't perfect, the choir members
of music. The Relaxation Emporium Website publishedheard the beauty and power of the song. Alexander
an article about this power, "Music: A Powerfulhas a dramatic key change at the end, a double
Relaxation Tool," by Duane Shinn. While musicforte place that sent chills down my spine. I thought
therapy is not new, Shinn says the healing power ofto myself, "She nailed it." Gittelsohn's last line also nails
music is just starting to be understood. "How manyit -- "So long as we live, they too shall live, for they
times have you turned to music to uplift you evenare now part of us . . ."
further in happy times, or sought the comfort ofYou may wish to honor your departed loved one
music when melancholy strikes?" he asks.with special music. A friend of mine had an organ
Some music provokes sad emotions, yet listening toconcert at church in her husband's memory, for
it can still be a pleasure. Ben Koen makes this point inexample. If you decide to commission a song,
"The Problem of Negative Emotions," published onrelatives may willing to help with the cost. A family
the Ohio State University School of Music Website.picnic and sing-along is another way to honor your
His article cites some of the current research aboutloved one. Music lingers in our minds and helps us to
sad music and responses to it. "How music can evokeremember loved ones. We can continue to sing their
a pleasant-sad emotional response and why peoplesong.