| Many people confuse the feelings involved in | | | | mind." |
| attraction or relationship addiction, with the feelings | | | | *When a person is unable to be without a relationship |
| involved in love. Attraction is the first part of growing | | | | at all, jumps from one relationship to another within a |
| toward a love relationship. I use the phrase "growing | | | | few months. |
| toward love" because the idea that any one "falls in | | | | Dependency can also be confused with the love. |
| love" is a fallacy. While attraction is an important part | | | | When an individual feels that he/she cannot make it |
| of a relationship it is only the beginning and cannot | | | | in the world without another person to help them, |
| carry a relationship for a long time. We all change | | | | that is dependency. A dependent person usually has |
| with time. Part of attraction is the adrenaline rush | | | | extremely low self-esteem and is very insecure. |
| many confuse with love. That adrenaline rush can be | | | | Indeed there is a mental health diagnosis called |
| addictive. A lasting relationship cannot be based on | | | | Dependent Personality Disorder. Any person with that |
| physical attraction or addiction to an adrenaline rush. | | | | disorder needs good therapy to help them recover |
| Our highly commercialized, capitalistic society has | | | | from it. |
| romanticized attraction to an extreme. When we buy | | | | Genuine love involves two relatively healthy people |
| into "their" music, TV, movies etc., "their" income | | | | who are able to appreciate the attraction they have |
| increases. "They" are opportunistically trying to make | | | | for one another, are aware that the attraction will |
| money, while many (naively, sadly), believe "them". | | | | fade and are able to do the personal work they need |
| Yes, we know that, but are we always aware of | | | | to do to nurture their attraction into love. This takes |
| how much we really buy into their psychological sales | | | | reasonable psychological health, self-awareness, and |
| pitches and how deeply it affects us? Self awareness | | | | the ability make personal changes. Love is a choice |
| grows with practice. | | | | and involves work that we choose to do daily. |
| Relationship addiction can easily be confused with | | | | Life often puts us in a position of having to make |
| love. A person can be addicted to another one | | | | difficult choices. For instance, if two people who have |
| without the awareness of being addicted. A lack of | | | | been developing a love relationship, which began due |
| self awareness and self understanding leads a person | | | | to physical attraction, are in an accident and one |
| into denial of his/her thoughts, feeling and behaviors. | | | | person becomes maimed or disabled, the other |
| This can be misleading and confusing for the recipient | | | | person will have to make a difficult choice. A couple I |
| of the addictive relationship behaviors. A few warning | | | | knew were in an accident. The woman's face was |
| signs include; | | | | badly disfigured. Although plastic surgery was helpful, |
| *When a person seems to idolize the individual he | | | | she remained disfigured for the rest of her life. She |
| she claims they "love". | | | | and her husband were faced with the huge problem |
| * If someone holds the person they claim to "love" | | | | of whether or not they could live with this together. |
| responsible for their own life changing decisions. An | | | | In the movie "Days of Wine and Roses" the man |
| example would be if someone quit college and then | | | | finally realizes that his wife is an alcoholic. He is faced |
| said it was because of the person they "love". This | | | | with a painful choice and makes the decision to take |
| type of behavior is an abdication of personal | | | | their child and leave. Sometimes people need to |
| responsibility. Its blame. | | | | choose to leave a relationship in order to protect |
| *When someone tries to fix or change the person | | | | themselves and others. Love cannot conquer all. |
| they "love" physically or psychologically. They want | | | | It is the healthy love of self that can help an |
| the other to have plastic surgery to "perfect" their | | | | individual choose to make the changes they need to |
| appearance or tell you, "I never want to see you | | | | make for themselves, in order to have a better life. |
| without makeup on.", or insist they pick out the other | | | | When an individual is self-aware and working on their |
| person's clothes or tell them how to wear their hair. | | | | own personal growth they are more likely to attract |
| *If the person believes that the other will change to | | | | others who are also working on themselves. Two |
| be as they wish. | | | | people who are working on self-awareness and |
| * When the relationship is very intense, dramatic. | | | | maturing as individuals, will be able to make a healthy |
| * A person who defines ( and confuses), his/her | | | | decision about whether or not they can develop and |
| wants with needs saying things such as "I can't live | | | | continue a relationship. |
| without you". | | | | Things change. We are taught, "carpe diem", to seize |
| *When a person is unable to recognize the | | | | the day, This has always been wonderful advice and |
| relationship has problems and that he/she is part of | | | | is even better when we approach life with healthy |
| the problem. Often telling the other, "It's all in your | | | | self love and awareness. |