| In order to ensure survival, the emotional structures | | | | okay, I can understand why you feel that way, you |
| of our brain develop first. Children "act out" of their | | | | have a right to your feelings." |
| feelings because the intellectual structures of their | | | | 4) TEACH COPING SKILLS for the feelings.o Know |
| brain have not developed yet. Adults must help | | | | what you are feelingo Tell a safe (usually adult) |
| children learn how to recognize and cope with their | | | | person what you are feelingo Ask for helpo Use |
| feelings as they grow up. | | | | breathing techniques to help yourself calm downo |
| 1) FOCUS on them. Be attuned to them; watch their | | | | Time yourself out; walk awayo Distract yourself with |
| face for signs of emotions, watch their body | | | | other thoughts, activitieso Draw your feeling outo |
| language and listen to changes in their tone of voice. | | | | Write a story or poem about the feeling experienceo |
| Learn about child development so you can work | | | | Write a song or rap about the feeling experienceo |
| appropriately with them at different ages and stages | | | | Do a dance that expresses the feelingo Make sure |
| Brain development changes greatly with each age | | | | you understand yourself, then try to understand the |
| and the brain is not fully developed until we are in our | | | | other person.o Negotiate with the other person.o |
| twenties. | | | | Make up with the other person |
| 2) INTERVENE early and often. As soon as you | | | | 5) DO NOT talk negatively about a child, to others, in |
| recognize the child is having a strong feeling, follow | | | | front of the child. Do not overreact to their threats. |
| steps (3) and (4). Stay with the child until you know | | | | If a child says "I'm going to kill her," recognize the |
| they are feeling better. Check back in with them a | | | | anger and say, "Wow, you are very angry. You |
| few minutes later to help them again. Know that it | | | | know you can't hurt anyone and you have a right to |
| takes years for all people to learn how to understand | | | | your feelings, here are some coping skills." Do not |
| and cope with difficult feelings. | | | | lecture; children find lectures boring, their feelings are |
| 3) VALIDATE THEIR FEELINGS; Feelings have a | | | | not being validated and lecturing often implies that |
| purpose, they give us information. No feelings are | | | | the child has something inherently wrong with them. |
| right, wrong or bad. All feelings have a purpose and | | | | Lecturing disvalidates and shames children which is |
| everyone has a right to their feelings. When we (all | | | | hard on their fragile self esteem. |
| people including children) know someone "feels" us, | | | | 6) PRAISE children as often as possible. Experts |
| understands us, empathizes with us, we begin to feel | | | | recommend we praise children 3 times more often |
| better. Tell a child, "Its seems like you're feeling angry | | | | than we correct or criticize them. Love and enjoy |
| (sad, afraid, frustrated, annoyed, etc.) and that is | | | | them! |