| How many times have you kept quiet when deep | | | | perspective. |
| down inside you knew there was a problem? It can | | | | No more doormat routine. |
| be excruciatingly painful when you don't trust what | | | | Show up authentically and speak what's most |
| you know. You become ambivalent; it can be | | | | important to you or reach out and get support to do |
| contagious. When you don't trust yourself in one | | | | so. |
| area, the 'not trusting' can spread to other areas of | | | | When you show up authentically you've gotten real |
| your life. | | | | with yourself about the drinking problem, what you |
| If this sounds familiar, I'm guessing that you have | | | | need relative to the drinking and what you're willing |
| some very good reasons - money and kids seem to | | | | to do to get those needs met. You can't control |
| be at the top of many a list. Over time carrying this | | | | what another person does; you do have a choice |
| burden can lead to some difficulty for you - years of | | | | about what you do. In general, the choice reflects a |
| mental anguish and possible physical ailments. | | | | rationalization or the inner knowing. |
| Maybe you've thought about fixing the problem. Yes, | | | | If you're not ready to speak what's most important |
| I'm talking about the problem of hiding the drinking | | | | to you about the drinking, know that there is support |
| problem. | | | | to assist you in sorting through and figuring your best |
| Ouch! | | | | options. You do this at a pace that is right for you. |
| It was the third night this week that Mary sat at | | | | If you're ready to share what you need relative to |
| home worrying when George would get home. She | | | | the drinking, consider these three steps beforehand:o |
| knew he was out with friends. However she didn't | | | | 1) Clarify how you feel about the drinking and what |
| know them. Secretly, she feared they were drinking | | | | you need in relation to the drinking.o 2) Identify clear, |
| friends. She really didn't want to think that George's | | | | specific requests that when fulfilled will meet your |
| drinking had gotten to problem or even alcoholic | | | | needs.o 3) Let your inner knowing be your guide. |
| proportions. She feared talking to him about the | | | | The more connection you have with your inner |
| drinking. She felt scared and alone. | | | | knowing, the more you feel emotionally solid, the |
| Are you ready to explore that inner knowing about | | | | more this comes across in your voice. |
| the drinking problem? | | | | Is it really possible to have an honest authentic |
| You may be wondering what I mean by "explore | | | | conversation with the problem drinker? |
| that inner knowing." It's that little part inside your | | | | The conversation we're talking about is you being |
| mind that records the facts and every now and | | | | honest and authentic - first with yourself, then with |
| whispers back to you without the emotion or story. | | | | the problem drinker. What's different about this |
| The story I'm referring to is the story that runs | | | | conversation is your stance in the conversation |
| nonstop in the privacy of your mind. | | | | comes from your inner knowing about the problem. |
| For Mary, the story that ran in her mind was: "I know | | | | It's not attacking; it's not approval seeking. It's about |
| George's drinking is out of control, but I'm scared to | | | | your emotionally stable, honest, authentic expression |
| tell him directly because he'll leave me." This is the | | | | of your needs, and making concrete requests. |
| story that initially kept Mary from talking directly with | | | | Whatever happened to Mary? |
| George about his drinking. This is the story that | | | | Mary had thought about the drinking problem a very |
| covered her inner knowing. | | | | long time. Sometimes he had tried to express to |
| Is the story you've been telling yourself really true? | | | | George her concerns. It didn't go well; she was |
| Be careful! Your mind may be giving contradictory | | | | reluctant to try again. When Mary came into |
| messages to you. Often, one of these messages is a | | | | counseling she expressed being overwhelmed, tired, |
| rationalization. A rationalization denies the problem and | | | | and depressed. What underlie these symptoms were |
| makes excuses why the problem is not a problem. | | | | her concerns for the drinking of her husband. After 6 |
| The rationalization has a tendency to minimize | | | | weeks she regained the strength in herself, later she |
| problems and provide excuses to not take the action | | | | had an honest conversation with her husband where |
| your inner knowing has been "whispering" to you. | | | | she expressed her concerns and requested that |
| You may be wondering, "Why break the silence?" | | | | George get help. At last report, George went into |
| First, it takes a lot of energy to keep the secret. | | | | treatment. |
| Holding the secret drains your emotional and mental | | | | Know the three steps to authentically addressing the |
| energy. It's drained by fear. It's the fear that "things | | | | drinking problem:o Clarify how you feel about the |
| could be worse," and fear of the unknown. You | | | | drinking and what you need in relation to the |
| break the silence to focus your energy towards a | | | | drinking.o Identify clear, specific requests that when |
| positive result for you, your family, and ultimately the | | | | fulfilled will meet your needs.o Let your inner knowing |
| problem drinker or user. | | | | be your guide. |
| You no longer need to shrink from the truth or keep | | | | Consider if you are:o Ready to fix the problem of |
| pretending that there is not a problem. The story is | | | | hiding the drinking problem?o Ready to get real and |
| the rationalization, and the pretending is the action of | | | | address the problem?o Ready to show up |
| believing the rationalization. The pretending drains | | | | authentically? |
| your energy. When you break the silence, you have | | | | Can you answer yes to the three questions above? |
| the truth on the table. | | | | If not, counseling and coaching support you towards |
| In the process you grow stronger. | | | | clarity with your feelings, needs, authentically |
| By taking little actions in ways that align with your | | | | expressing them, and to explore your options to |
| inner knowing you start to empower yourself. I | | | | resolve the drinking problem. If you're not ready to |
| understand that it may not seem like it now, but as | | | | come in for a counseling session coaching over the |
| the process of empowering yourself enfolds, you will | | | | phone is an option. |
| view your life from a much more hopeful | | | | |