| "Opposites attract" is an old quotation that has | | | | careful look at themselves. This person needs to ask |
| validity. People are often attracted to a partner | | | | questions such as, "Why do I keep getting involved in |
| whose emotional style differs from their own. | | | | these dysfunctional relationships?" This individual |
| What is an emotional style? Personality can describe | | | | needs to take a close look at their own issues and |
| emotional style. Introverted or extroverted is one | | | | work on them. |
| good example. Highly expressive of emotions or | | | | Differences in emotional style can be appealing, we |
| highly reserved is another example. Our emotional | | | | are often attracted to someone who is quite |
| style is the result of our genetic inheritance and how | | | | different from us. The ability to respect and honor |
| our parents attached to us when we were infants. | | | | those differences, rather than criticizing them, is vital |
| Given enough time and appropriate help we can | | | | if the relationship is to survive and grow deeper and |
| change our emotional style if we choose. | | | | stronger. Every personality characteristic has its |
| Having an individual emotional style is fine unless a | | | | strengths and weaknesses. Respect for and |
| person begins to have difficulty with relationships. | | | | appreciation of the positive aspect of a personality |
| Relationships are vital for a fulfilling and healthy life. | | | | characteristic is vital. Being judgmental of or |
| When an individual has difficulty developing healthy | | | | expressing disgust for the negative feature of that |
| relationships, they need to consider what might be | | | | personality characteristic may result in the individual |
| going on within themselves that results in this | | | | feeling hurt, confused and insecure in the relationship. |
| difficulty. | | | | Empathy and sensitivity are vital for the life of a |
| At times, the problem can be the result of two | | | | decent relationship. |
| people having very different emotional styles. | | | | When a relationship is in its beginning stages, it is |
| However, since opposites do attract, it's important | | | | tempting to idealize the person we feel attracted to. |
| for each partner to ask themselves, "I felt attracted | | | | Unfortunately, this can be highly misleading for |
| to this person because they were so expressive (or | | | | everyone involved. No one is perfect, every one has |
| reserved), now I feel disgusted by it, why?" The | | | | many flaws. |
| resulting answer may be to blame the other person | | | | When we are attracted to someone because they |
| and abdicate personal responsibility. Unfortunately | | | | have a personality characteristic that is opposite ours, |
| blame is often what happens; one partner is | | | | it is helpful to recognize that we do have that |
| perceived as, "the problem," and that person is | | | | characteristic within ourselves. We may not have |
| selected to go for help. | | | | found it yet, we may not have learned how to use it |
| When one person gets help, they often outgrow the | | | | yet, but it is there. |
| partner who decided they were the problem. That | | | | A persons emotional growth is their responsibility. If |
| can be the beginning of the end of the relationship. If | | | | one partner suggests that the other partner is "the |
| only one person gets help and grows, while the other | | | | problem" and must get help, their part of the |
| remains the same, the relationship becomes | | | | problem is missing. A relationship problem rests on |
| unbalanced. The growing partner may feel increasingly | | | | two sets of shoulders, in two minds and hearts. If a |
| frustrated by the stagnant partner and leave the | | | | relationship is going to grow beyond a problem, each |
| relationship. | | | | partner must work on themselves. Each partner must |
| When both people get help, the relationship has a | | | | remember the positive aspects of their partner's |
| much better chance of surviving. When both get | | | | emotional style and find that within themselves. If the |
| help, the person who is highly expressive can learn | | | | partner with a reserved emotional style can find the |
| how to become more reserved, while the highly | | | | expressive aspect of themselves, they can use it to |
| reserved person can learn how to be more | | | | help themselves become more balanced. The partner |
| expressive. Both people can work toward balancing | | | | with the expressive style can find the reserved part |
| their emotional style within themselves so they can | | | | of themselves to become more balanced. |
| relate to their partner using a balanced emotional | | | | Opposites attract then repel one another. It is |
| style. | | | | working through the more difficult times of the |
| If one person finds that they are having continuing | | | | relationship that helps us grow. |
| difficulty with relationships, they need to take a more | | | | |