| An immediate response to conflict in relationships is | | | | an individual does not feel good enough about |
| to blame the other person. Blame is also a big | | | | themselves it can be difficult for them to cope with |
| roadblock in relationships. Blame prohibits personal | | | | criticism, especially when the criticism comes from a |
| growth. If a person believes that the problems in | | | | person they are trying to have an intimate |
| their relationship are the fault of their partner, they | | | | relationship with. These are, often, people who will |
| will probably do nothing to change the only person | | | | blame their partner for many problems in the |
| any of us can change. We can change only ourselves. | | | | relationship. |
| And that is when responsibility comes in. | | | | Raising ones self-esteem is the most important work |
| Responsibility, the ability to respond. In a relationship | | | | any of us can do. It is difficult work and, at the same |
| the important question is always, "How able am I to | | | | time, joyful work. Genuinely feeling good about |
| respond to this problem?" Conflict is inherent in | | | | ourselves is the first step toward improving every |
| relationships. Relationships inevitably involve working | | | | area of our lives. People with strong self-esteem are |
| through conflicts. Resolution involves each person | | | | much more capable of accepting responsibility for |
| involved in the conflict asking themselves, "How can I | | | | their part in a conflict of interests. People who know |
| respond to this problem, negotiate with my partner | | | | they are valuable are much more able to accept their |
| and resolve this conflict so we both feel | | | | mistakes as just that; mistakes they can repair. |
| comfortable?" Negotiation is a vital skill in relationships. | | | | Individuals who have poor self-esteem often |
| Learning how to negotiate is part of healthy personal | | | | perceive mistakes as permanent, negative comments |
| growth. Accepting responsibility for ones part in a | | | | against their basic character. This becomes a sad, |
| conflict and in negotiation, results in healthy personal | | | | negative cycle. Working to raise ones self-esteem |
| growth. | | | | begins a positive cycle. Working to raise ones |
| Blaming the other person for the problem, refusing to | | | | self-esteem is part of being responsible to self and |
| try to understand their perspective results in | | | | others. |
| stagnation. Blame prevents maturation. People do not | | | | Being in an intimate relationship, involves work. Some |
| mature because of physical age. People mature due | | | | of that work is pleasant, joyful and playful. Loving |
| to honest, realistic self-confrontation as they work to | | | | another person involves loving ourselves first. |
| change. Growing up and becoming mature takes | | | | Learning how to love ourselves is vital for all areas of |
| personal work. | | | | our lives. The ability to respond positively to |
| This type of work can be difficult for many. People | | | | ourselves, helps us increase our ability to respond |
| with healthy, internalized self-esteem can be relatively | | | | positively to others. When each individual is working |
| honest with themselves about the personal | | | | to be responsible to themselves, a relationship can |
| characteristics they need to improve. It is more | | | | grow, becoming healthy and mature. |
| difficult for people who are deeply wounded. When | | | | |