| The song "Respect" has meant a great deal to many | | | | relationship. This is maturation. The ability to apologize |
| people. Otis Redding wrote the song and Aretha | | | | is an act of respect. |
| Franklin performed it with her powerful, inimitable | | | | The best way to teach children anything is by setting |
| talent. Many people, who have been disenfranchised, | | | | a good example. By doing. When we treat our |
| identify with this song. The most powerful phrase in | | | | children with respect, they learn that this is the best |
| the song is, "R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means | | | | way to treat others. Parents are very human and |
| to me." In other words, we define respect according | | | | human beings make mistakes. It is vital for parents |
| to our own subjective perception of reality and it is | | | | to treat their children with respect. This involves |
| the responsibility of each person in any relationship to | | | | understanding how children think, what their |
| understand the other person's definition of respect. | | | | developmental level is, what they can or cannot |
| People will inadvertently (sometimes deliberately) hurt | | | | understand. And, most important, it involves |
| others throughout their lives. When one person | | | | apologizing to the child when we have made a |
| treats another with a lack of respect, a fault is | | | | mistake that has hurt the child. |
| created. If the person who is hurt makes her feelings | | | | It is important to respect cultural differences. |
| known, it is the responsibility of the person who hurt | | | | Mistakes occur more frequently when we attempt to |
| her to listen and understand the hurt persons | | | | relate to a person who comes from a culture that |
| definition of respect. When the offending person | | | | differs from ours. After all, we were not born with |
| takes time to listen to and empathize with the | | | | the ability to think about or recognize those |
| person he hurt, it is his responsibility to apologize. | | | | differences. Often we learn that we've offended |
| Apologizing is a social skill that, like riding a bike, gets | | | | another person whose cultural background is |
| easier with practice. The act of apologizing is an act | | | | different, after we have offended them. That results |
| of respect. | | | | in our having the opportunity to open our minds and, |
| The purpose of apologizing is to create a bridge | | | | instead of blaming the other person, to stop, think, |
| between people. To heal a rift. It is an important act | | | | wonder and understand. It is the power, integrity and |
| in the creation of healthy relationships. Some | | | | quality of humility that allows us to do that, then to |
| relationship experts believe that two of the most | | | | make amends. |
| important words are, "I'm sorry." I would like to add, | | | | Deep listening to another person involves choosing to |
| "I made a mistake" and "I don't (didn't) know." An | | | | be open-minded and curious. To do this one must be |
| individual who can recognize his own mistakes and | | | | able to let go of their need to defend their own |
| use those phrases understands the quality, integrity | | | | perspective. It is then that "beginner's mind" can be |
| and power of humility. Acting with humility and | | | | used. Everyone can find people to agree with their |
| apologizing, does not mean one is weak or | | | | own perspective. We can always find articles and |
| submissive. It takes profound, genuine strength of | | | | books to support our own perspective. Creating |
| character to be able to apologize. Apologizing helps us | | | | space for various perspectives is much more difficult. |
| mature emotionally and spiritually. When one offends | | | | Cultivating the willingness to hear and learn from |
| another person, they have done something wrong | | | | another person's perspective, is the work of |
| even if they did not intend to offend. Refusing to | | | | maturation. Self-confrontation to make ourselves |
| apologize compounds the hurt. | | | | listen to, understand and empathize with another is |
| When several people have a disagreement, it is the | | | | the work of maturation. We create a place of |
| responsibility of all involved. The act of blaming one | | | | respect for other's within our own psyches. And the |
| person is an abdication of responsibility and | | | | only person who can do that for us is ourselves. This |
| exacerbates the problem. Family systems theory | | | | is the work of learning what respect is in depth. |
| describes this well and explains that blaming one | | | | Our universe is full of an incredible variety human |
| person is "scapegoating" that person. One person is | | | | beings. Similarities and differences between people |
| held responsible for a problem that was created by | | | | abound in every relationship. Culture, gender, and age |
| several people. This leads to a lack of balance in | | | | are a few obvious differences. The creation of |
| relationships and problems continue. When all parties | | | | relatively healthy relationships involves self-awareness |
| accept responsibility and think about what they could | | | | and acceptance of differences. Humble apologies are |
| have done differently, amends can be made and a | | | | a creative act of respect. |
| rift healed, a gap bridged. This is the work of | | | | |