| News of our family tragedies -- three deaths in two | | | | writing I am in a happy world. |
| months -- spread quickly. A friend called to express | | | | Staying busy makes time pass quickly. Michael |
| her condolences and tell me something I had not | | | | Creagan, MD, a Mayo Clinic oncologist, writes about |
| known. Her son died when he was only 17 years old. | | | | time in his article, "Grief: A Mayo Clinic Doctor |
| "I understand how you are feeling," she said. "Stay | | | | Confronts Painful Emotions." According to him, "Time |
| busy. It really helps." | | | | does have the ability to make the acute, searing pain |
| Though I appreciated her advice, I worried about it. I | | | | of loss less intense." But time does not cure, Dr. |
| have known people who stayed busy, far too busy, | | | | Creagan goes on to say, and the feelings of |
| after a loved one died one in an attempt to avoid | | | | emptiness and loss may never go away. Though I will |
| emotional pain. Besides, I have been studying grief | | | | always miss my loved ones I was blessed to have |
| for years, co-authored a book about it, and written | | | | them in my life. |
| articles about it. In order to recover I knew I had to | | | | Staying busy helps my mind process grief. The |
| accept the pain of loss. | | | | human mind is probably the ultimate computer. While |
| Still, I was willing to try the "stay busy" approach. It | | | | I am busy my mind is sorting data, retrieving data, |
| is working for me and may work for you. How does | | | | retrieving images, problem-solving and, most |
| staying busy help? | | | | important, processing grief. While I think about my |
| Staying busy keeps me from becoming isolated. In an | | | | loved ones when I am busy the pain is not as acute. |
| article, "Family Issues and Problems," on the Baylor | | | | Staying busy is helping me forge a new life. At first, I |
| University Web site, Charles Kemp writes about | | | | set one goal a day. Several weeks later I set two |
| terminal illness and the problems families face, | | | | goals. Today, nine months after our family tragedies, |
| including isolation. Caregivers have few opportunities | | | | I set even more. For I have found that when I am |
| for social contact, Kemp says, and they often feel | | | | not busy my recovery goes backwards. Grief is a |
| isolated. The same is true of mourning. I refused to | | | | personal journey and if you are grieving now you |
| get caught in the isolation trap and resumed my | | | | may want to try the "stay busy" approach. |
| volunteer efforts. | | | | This approach does not mean we have forgotten our |
| Staying busy with work gives me a break from grief. | | | | loved ones. We still miss them, still cry, and still love |
| My husband and I were so overcome with grief we | | | | them. Our loved ones would want us to do things |
| thought we would have to stop working. We did not | | | | that make us happy, try new things, and enjoy |
| do this. Instead, we made a point of returning to | | | | every moment of life. Let's do that for ourselves and |
| work. "Being at work makes me feel better," my | | | | for them. |
| husband said. I feel the same way. When I am | | | | |