The Problem With Being Happy

I recently listened to a sermon about "Being Happy"that the effort to "be happy" often sets me up to
in which many happiness experts were quoted,feel as if I've failed. Feeling as if I've failed leads to
including the Dalai Lama. Afterwards, I spoke with thesad feelings. So, letting go of trying to be happy can
lecturer, telling him that I disagree with the Dalaicreate a space for that feeling to emerge.
Lama. Later, I thought, "I am being audacious,I agree with the research suggesting that people
disagreeing with the Dalai Lama." Thinking about itwho serve others, have more happy moments in
further I realized that if the Dalai Lama is as humbletheir day than others. However, it concerns me that
as is reported, he would be the first to agree that hepeople may try to get into a service industry (to be
is only human and does not have all the answers. Ihappy) before they have learned how to be
do not have all the answers either, and I haveunderstanding and empathetic. This can lead to the
concerns about this golden goal of "being happy."failure of helpful efforts and confound the efforts of
The desire to "be happy" has driven people. Forothers. Self-understanding, and self-awareness are
many years, it has driven many people to be greedy,vital for those in the service industry. Trying to fulfill
to have more money, bigger houses, more educationthe ethic "First, do no harm", is quite complex and, at
knowledge, more powerful cars, more trips, etc. And,times, difficult. Most people who have spent most of
as many have found, these things and experiencestheir life working in the service industry will
do not lead to happiness.understand this. If you have raised a few children,
Happiness is a feeling that, like all feelings, comes andyou will understand that when you give to one child,
goes, according to what is going on around us oryou might be taking away from another child. This
within us. When we are respectful and aware of ourmetaphor can be used on a much larger scale. An
feelings, they give us vital information. We need allindividual who has worked as an administrator for
our feelings. It would be inappropriate for us to feelsocial services can recognize that by giving to one
happy when we see something going on that is sadprogram, she may be taking from another program.
or frightening. If we experience something aboutWhen two people working on a team have a conflict,
which we feel sad, afraid, or angry, it is reasonableit is easy to blame one person, at the expense of
for us to feel those feelings and try to do somethingthe other person. The service industry is full of many
to improve the situation. After those actions haveproblems. Self-awareness is vital in the service
improved the situation, we will have natural happyindustry. The ability to listen to our feelings (all of
feelings. What we can do in our daily lives is to findthem) as well as our thoughts helps us have the
ways to fully experience and know when we aresocial awareness needed to make positive
feeling happy.contributions in the social services industry.
I agree with the Dalai Lama that mindfulness can helpThe goal of "being happy" is a healthy goal. I believe
us have more happy moments. Paying close attentiona better goal is being aware of all our feelings. It is
to my thoughts and feelings often leads me tothrough appreciation of all of our feelings that we can
laughing at the funny ways my psyche works.increase self-awareness, understanding and empathy.
Another aspect of mindfulness that is helpful is inThen we are much more able to be of service to
letting go of thoughts and feelings. When I noticeothers and, again, happy feelings will come easily and
that I am trying hard to "be happy," I can also realizenaturally.