| Perfectionism, as defined by the Merriam-Webster | | | | such as persistence and dedication. Life is a learning |
| Dictionary is a disposition to regard anything short of | | | | process, and by demanding or criticizing when things |
| perfection as unacceptable. I see this with individuals | | | | aren't just right (for your standards) you diminish |
| of all ages, from the child who has a melt down | | | | learning opportunities. So rather that stepping in to |
| because their art project doesn't look just right, to | | | | solve a problem for your child or rescue them from |
| the teen who has an eating disorder because she | | | | "doing it wrong", give them an opportunity to try, |
| feels in adequate, to the mom who feels like she has | | | | offer support by asking them what they need from |
| to stay on top of everything in the household or | | | | you. Yes, this may lead to a poor grade, a messy |
| things will fall apart, to the professional who is driven | | | | room, or a sibling conflict, but the rewards are so |
| to achieve success, yet never feels satisfied. I | | | | much bigger- developing problem solving skills, learning |
| believe that the drive to be perfect is so ingrained in | | | | natural consequences, and the realization that what |
| our culture from the media's portrayal of perfect | | | | you do is different from who you are. |
| homes and bodies on TV and in magazines; to our | | | | As an adult if you were raised with high expectations |
| homes, where parents struggle to work, pay the bills, | | | | or critical parents who didn't teach you to problem |
| keep a tidy house, take their children to endless | | | | solve but told you what to do instead, you may be a |
| activities and appointments, monitor homework, and | | | | perfectionist. Your need for order and control may |
| make last minute baked goods for the fundraiser at | | | | prevent you from having meaningful vulnerable |
| school. | | | | relationships because of your fears that your |
| What are the implications of living a perfectionist life | | | | imperfections may be exposed. Many people who are |
| and what can you do about it? | | | | perfectionists stay really busy to avoid some of the |
| People who feel the need to be perfect judge their | | | | deep feelings they have. They may be fearful of |
| value based upon what they have achieved. If they | | | | being overwhelmed with emotions, and choose to |
| fail to meet their expectations on one aspect of a | | | | shut down or shut off their feelings. What you need |
| project they may consider the whole project a | | | | to know is that your desire for psychological safety |
| failure. These individual's cultivate their self-worth | | | | keeps you from having wonderfully open |
| based upon the outcomes and compare themselves | | | | relationships. It also keeps you chronically feeling bad, |
| against these standards (self-imposed, yet influenced | | | | because you are never good enough. Here's the |
| by what others look like, have, or achieved). | | | | secret, it's truly about self-acceptance and self-love. |
| We are all guilty of this to some extent, yet when | | | | When you are able to embrace all aspects of |
| this is the sole way we operate it becomes a | | | | yourself, things you consider both good and bad, you |
| concern, because whatever you do will never be | | | | open the door to living a more fulfilled and happier |
| good enough.You will either chase more and more | | | | life- not only for you, but those around you too. So |
| things to make you feel happier, or you may just not | | | | here are the two words that will change your life: |
| try at all doing things that may potentially embarrass | | | | good enough. |
| you or expose your inability. | | | | If you want to explore this deeper take out some |
| As a parent you have a tremendous influence upon | | | | basic art materials and a big piece of paper. Make a |
| your child and if you seek perfectionism by trying to | | | | line down the middle of the paper. On the left side |
| be, do, have it all, your child will do the same. If you | | | | make a drawing or use collage images to create an |
| convey to your child their self-worth is linked to what | | | | image of your critical self (however that may look) |
| they do or how they act, you have modeled | | | | and the right side make an image of your accepting |
| perfectionism. Rather that praising outcomes, like | | | | self. See what the image and the process uncovers. |
| rewards for good grades, parents can emphasize | | | | Practice this week saying "good enough" when you |
| qualities the child exhibited to achieve their goals, | | | | are trying too hard to do things just right. |